there is something absolutely fantastic.

about bon iver. all this music chuck gave me is blowing my mind.and honestly while i lay here half awake all its making me want to do is write and write and write. i wish i could think of a decent story to tell, or stick with one of the many ideas i’ve written and then deleted.

your not gonna walk through the mud forever.

just keep going and eventually things are gonna come together, but you aren’t stuck in the mud till you quit walking. this was the advice given to me by my grandfather in the dream i had last night…. he passed away quite awhile ago, but in my dream it was 9 months from now, right before my 25 birthday and he was alive and we were talking about life and how things dont quite make sense at my age… and if he ever had any doubts or confusion, even though he was married with kids by now… and thats what he told me. in my dreams things were even worse than real life as i for some reason had to go back to highschool to take classes? idk, but it was nice to “see” my grandfather and have some encouragement from him, seeing how we weren’t too close when he was alive.

ciara. che. tanya. cassie. heather. heather. stefanie. rachel. lurie. eve. colleen. tracie. marissa.lori. sarah.

whew.

so. i skipped the gym tonight in favor of running outside. I ran a full mile without stopping. im not saying i ran it fast, but i did run the whole thing. amazing. i think i’m going to quit the gym and start doing home workouts. try to run/walk 2 miles a day, skip rope, and do crunches and pushups. it’ll save me 10 dollars a week, and hopefully get me in good shape.

in addition to my physical pursuits this evening, i also spent some time with my parents, about an hour just sitting and talking with them. i asked them how we ended up in the pentecostal  church, what in their lives lef them to choosing monmouth worship center as their church for over 20 years. i basically got a condensed autobiography from my father, but i really enjoyed it and learned alot about who they were as well. it was a great thing, something i need to do more of.

lately.

the idea of having a family one day has been more attractive to me than it has been in the past few years. i’m still not ready to settle down or anything, but raising a kid seems like it would be fulfilling. for awhile i feared whether or not i was too selfish to actually love, sacrifice, and care for another human being to the extent parenthood requires… but I’m not that selfish. I think i can do it.

Is it weird that i’m not freaking out about being single? that i’m not stressed with finding the love of my life? that i kind of hope it doesn’t happen for awhile… i just want to move out of this state and get a fresh start before i get caught up with falling in love. I’m excited that the move to Oregon is starting to become tangible. Katie and Matt fly out in a few weeks to do some reconnaissance work, my debt is continuing to dwindle, and for the first time there are summer social engagements I’m having to give up.

I hope a lot of people from jersey fly out to visit, I really am going to miss them. Bobby, Ed, Tony, Alexis, Jess, Jeff and family…. so many loved ones. But it’s time to stretch out for awhile.

Lately I’ve been playing a lot of music. Yesterday I jammed with marc, justin, and Andrew Jasko, amazing. I just wish i’d met marc and justin two years ago when i first moved home, who knows what could have happened.

here we go.

It has to be time for a new chapter.

or at least a semicolon in this run on sentence.

no more pot. at least until the end of february. if for no reason other than to save the 100 bucks i’d spend on it and to prove to myself that i don’t need it.

drinks are okay, as long as it’s held to 2-3 nights a week. preferrably two.

i need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier.

i can do these things.

solia tera.

austin’s band. is great. so was today. other than work which bores me to death lately. its okay because tonight im staying in and being productive. reading. laundry. gaming…. my version of productivity and enjoyment

some of these bands suck.

so why can’t i put together something worth playing.

today was a good day. work wasn’t too bad. i did a lot of reading. i ate healthy. i didn’t spend much, i went to the gym. and i cleaned my room a bit.

i think going to the gym definitely helps my mental health at least as much as my physical, if not more.

if it’s a process.

then i’ve made mistakes.

doing a lot with reading. hopefully more with writing will follow

so check out writtenwordsonthewrittenword.wordpress.com